Dan Carney
Pelicans To Replace Brooklyn Nets in Playoffs, Per Reports
As if this country couldn't get anymore corrupt, commissioner Adam Silver has decided to remove the Brooklyn Nets from the NBA Playoffs...
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Dan Carney
- Aug 17, 2020
- 2 min
Playoff Predictions: First Round
Here's WTF is gonna happen. Eastern Conference Milwaukee/Orlando: Bucks win 4-0 The Magic have home court advantage in this series, just...
Dan Carney
- Aug 14, 2020
- 1 min
All-NBA Conspiracy Team
Here's the lineup: PG: Chris Paul (NO/LAL trade suspiciously vetoed by David Stern) SG: Kyrie Irving (Flat-Earth-er) SF: Kevin Durant...
Dan Carney
- Aug 13, 2020
- 3 min
The Sixers: Done Processing(?)
The Philadelphia 76ers' telling fans to "Trust The Process" is like your alcoholic friend drunkenly telling you that he's "got it under...
Dan Carney
- Aug 6, 2020
- 13 min
the bubble's top 50
These are my top 50 guys that are playing in the NBA's bubble. I took talent, stats, and team impact into account when forming this list....
Dan Carney
- Aug 3, 2020
- 1 min
Ellen Set To Buy Knicks, per reports
When current New York Knicks owner James Dolan heard of Ellen Degeneres’ tyrannical approach towards her employees, he knew he found his...
Dan Carney
- Jul 31, 2020
- 10 min
Every NBA Player That Comes To Mind For Each Song From Taylor Swift's New Album "folklore"
In order to write this article I did something I’ve never had the urge to do before: dissect Taylor Swift’s music. On the surface, every...
Dan Carney
- Jul 12, 2019
- 5 min
"Someone Jailbroke the NBA". An OffSeason Recap.
Quick Recap: Someone jailbroke the NBA this offseason. I don’t know if I ever made this many moves playing Association on 2k. Suffice to...
Dan Carney
- Jun 18, 2019
- 3 min
Recapping the 2018 NBA season
Where were we? I’m pretty sure we left off with me hyping up the Raptors after their Game 1 victory against the Sixers in the Eastern...
Dan Carney
- May 9, 2019
- 3 min
Buck F***ed
Last night the Bucks got (Greek) freaky with Boston’s whore-ific defense, and boy did it look consensual. The Celtics rolled over on...
Dan Carney
- May 2, 2019
- 3 min
If I Was Zion...
If I was 6’7, 280 lbs, and could dunk from the free throw line, then all my problems would be solved. My life has not turned out quite...
Dan Carney
- Apr 30, 2019
- 3 min
No Fool's Gold: The Nuggets' Future
Two years ago my friends formed a group chat to roast me when I said the Denver Nuggets could end up with home court advantage in the...
Dan Carney
- Apr 29, 2019
- 2 min
The Earth Is 5000 Years Old, But These Raptors Are Real
Everyone knows the Pagans imagined dinosaurs to pull people away from the church and God (Corinthians 3:21). It’s a historical fact, and...
Dan Carney
- Apr 26, 2019
- 2 min
Mild Or Wild Weekend? Recap and Playoff Predictions
West Coast We’re a game or two away from the second round of the playoffs, and so far we’ve been left with only a few surprises - and...
Dan Carney
- Apr 25, 2019
- 4 min
Battle Of The Bonded: Who Wins First?
When Lebron left the Cavs before the 2010 season, Dan Gilbert infamously claimed that his team would win a championship before “ the...
Dan Carney
- Apr 24, 2019
- 3 min
Draft Dodging: The Case For NOT Trading The First Pick For Anthony Davis
With Anthony Davis looking to leave the town where I went to my first strip club, teams are stockpiling assets in hoping they can...
Dan Carney
- Apr 23, 2019
- 2 min
Rockets Blue Balls, Slutty Suns, and Bucks say "Bye-Bye"
The Jazz looked like they could beat some teams up in the playoffs this year, especially with Mitchell developing and Rudy Gobert posting...
Dan Carney
- Apr 22, 2019
- 2 min
The "Greek Freak" and other problematic nicknames
“King James”. “Superman”. “Danaconda” (me). It’s not often that a self-given nickname sticks. Most nicknames in sports are bestowed by...
Dan Carney
- Apr 22, 2019
- 3 min
The Most Boring Playoff Teams, And If They'll Be More Fun Next Year
If you asked me to list my top 50 vacation destinations, I could guarantee you that neither Orlando nor Detroit would appear anywhere....